dear mummy,

i'll just be really straightforward with you and get straight to the point. i dont like it that you're so invovled with your work. i dont like how you have to leave so early for work every morning and come back late every day. and even on those days when you come back early, you either spend time using the treadmil or doing your own things. and what makes me even angrier is that you choose to watch tv during dinner instead of sitting down with the family to have dinner together. i always looked forward to family meals. whenever i was far away in perth and missing home, i'll think of how much i miss having meals together as a family. but today, you chose to take food on your plate and bring your plate with you to the living room to watch tv and eat. and when i asked you nicely if you could eat with us instead, you said no you cant because you came back early to watch your show. i cant believe you actually said that. i cant believe you actually came home early to watch a tv show instead of spending time with your husband and children. i cant believe you actually chose something else over family. before nigel came back, you kept saying how you want to bring him out to eat and bring him here and there. and well he's back now but you're never around. even if you're around, your mind isnt fully here. your attention will always be divided. why do you have to multitask and not waste time all the time. cant you just take leave and spend one whole day doing nothing and just spending time with your family. sometimes you say you take the effort to take leave, but think about it, what does your leave consist of? nail and hair appointments, sessions on the treadmil, sorting out your bills, wrapping presents and such. then what about us. what about your husband who loves you so much and is actually hurting so badly deep down, feeling so helpless that you have to work work work around the clock. dont you think he deserves some of your time as well. or are you just too busy to notice. frankly, i'd rather you quit your job, just so i can have my mother back. i used to be able to tell you anything, things about glenn, things at school and about anything that was on my mind. now, i rarely see you around. even if you're home, you're busy. sorry but i really dont take busy as an excuse. its like how people can be busy, but if you really want something or love someone, you'll find a way to make time no matter how busy you are. and i dont blame you for having so much work to do. i know that that's something you cant control. but i do blame you for choosing tv, or anything for that matter, over spending time with family. i know its just dinner. i know its just half an hour. but half an hour is a hell lot of time when your son only has a week in singapore. and im not even talking about myself, i have 59 days left in singapore. i doubt you're even keeping track anyway. and if dinner is only just half an hour, why can you just sacrifice your show to spend time eating with us. your show is on every tuesday wednesday and thursday. cant you just not watch it for one day. i really dont know how to tell all this to you, i know it'll just evolve into a messy arguement which is not what i want. i know you still love us despite your hectic and busy lifestyle. i know you still care about us. but all im asking from you is that you have some balance in your life. you always tell me that too much of something is bad. doesnt that hold true for work as well. you always tell me how stressed you are and you always have a never ending list of complains to rant about. and i always tell you to pray. but seeing how you dont even have time to have a simple dinner with your family, it saddens me to think about how little time you have for God, if any at all. when i was feeling so home sick in perth, you told me to look forward to coming back, that you'll bring me out for dimsum, just the two of us. until now, im still waiting for it. its not about the dimsum, even thou i do really love dimsum, its about spending time with you, mother daughter time, just like how we used to. every night you keep asking me to teach you how to use your blackberry. but i think im going to stop teaching you how to use it anymore. because whenever you're home, you're on your bb 247. everything is about work work work. stop bringing home your work with you. nigel's leaving soon after christmas, and then i'll be going back to perth too. i just hope you're not taking it for granted that we'll always be around. sometimes i wonder, does it really take a sickness of disease to make someone realise and be truly grateful for what they have in their lives? and sometimes i wonder, when will i ever get the courage to tell you all this. please dont let your work drown you and suffocate you away from your family and away from God. dont get me wrong, i may be upset and angry, but i still love you very much and i'd really do anything to get my mummy back.

love, nicole.

its time i put on my facade.

why not you go try talking to the wall first and see how frustrating it feels and how impatient you'll get before telling me how impatient and easily frustrated i am.

some people find solace in sleep, i find solace in family.

who am i kidding. its inevitable for things to change with time. whether its 5 hours or 5 months. i kept thinking that everything was still the same, or at least it was going to be like how it was. rubbish. change was all along there, right in front of me waiting for me to realise its presence. priorities change. your importance to people change. people become busy. people become busier. people judge more. people dont bother. people talk less. people dont talk at all.

i just have so much on my mind, so many things i need to rant about. but no one to rant them all to. why should i bother people with my problems. they're mine after all.

im just glad that family is a constant in my life. they're people who scold me because they know whats best for me. they dont judge. they make time when they have no time. they're direct and open and say whatever thats on their mind even if it hurts hearing it. they respond and not ignore. they talk and not argue.

cant wait for the 19th when my brother gets back.
cant remember the last time we had a full family meal.

one day away from decemeber.

HAHAHAH IM SO AMAZED AT HOW MUCH I SPENT TODAY AND HOW MUCH STUFF I BOUGHT.

i spent a total of $220 on shopping today. and i bought two dresses two shorts two skirts four tops one jeans one bag one belt one ring and one pair of shoes. spent so long looking for things to buy and looking for people to share with. cause the more i buy, the cheaper the prices will be. my sister was bored to death seriously. i promised myself that the next time we go out, it'll be shopping for her and not for me. i have a feeling i wont keep to my word thou :s

im still looking for a pair of black heels. now that i can drive means i can start buying heels! hahahah cause dont have to walk out so far to the busstop anymoreeee. and i hope steve madden's having sale again! i saw this pair of sandals last year during christmas but didnt get them. i hope they're still there waiting for me.

SERIOUSLY AT THIS RATE IM GOING, IM GOING TO NEED MORE THAN JUST TWO WARDROBES. one in perth and one in singapore just isnt enough.

went to watch megamind and rapunzel with my sister! i think rapunzel was funny! and if any of you havent watched the next three days, i recommend that you do so. super intense action packed movie. (Y)


DECEMBER IS NEARING!
which means christmas is cominggggg! (:
which means february is nearing too. ):

better enjoy my holiday while i still can.

GOODNIGHT. i see my money flying away with all these shopping and eating and movie-ing.

another wasted day.

i hate it when plans get cancelled.
i hate it when its all talk and no action.
i hate it that everyone seems to be busy when im so free.

the house never felt this quiet and lonely before.
my calendar never seemed so empty before.

to make things worst, asian games are on from 1130am to 8pm everyday. how exciting.


i guess its back to spending time trying to find something to spend time doing.

IM BACK! (:

I LOVE SINGAPORE. i dont care if its so hot and i start perspiring immediately after i shower, i dont care if the sales people are so rude in singapore and speak in english that i dont quite understand sometimes. i dont care if the shops in singapore are selling their clothes based on seasons (which is so ridiculous since singapore is 247 summer) and are selling winter fur coats and long sleeves which no one will buy. i dont care if lunch isnt at 12 and dinner isnt at 6 sharp and that i tend to get really hungry by 12 and 6 everyday.

i just feel so happy to be back. with family and friends and glenn and good cheap CHEAP (i must emphasize on the CHEAP) food here, its the happiest i've been in awhile. im so happy that tausa pau here is only 70 cents! as compared to $1.80 :O

anyway.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VANNA KOH! (: I REALLY HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR BIRTHDAY. i made sure i flew back in time for you okay! really really made my day to see you so happy and floating. hahaha. sorry about the weird texture brownies which looked like cupcakes. :s

had swensens for lunch on my first day back. suprise turned out well thanks to shihui and her awesome planning. was so good to see all of them! (: and homecooked food never tasted this good. nomnomnom. plus my teck kee tau sa pauuuu. heh.

went to visit my grandma on tuesday and cousins! they were so shocked i was back. hahah. i think if not for fb, they'd be even more suprised! and i think if not for fb, everyone's results would be so much better. hahahah. glenn came over for dinner after (:

pancakes and maple syrup and breadtalk for breakfast today! public holiday! i love waking up to breadtalk breakfast especially when its with family (: and then dim sum lunch after. omg char siew pau ha kau siew mai xlb carrot cake sharks fin soup porridge fried tofu skin glutinous rice egg tarts and omg i forgot there was so much.

I CANT STOP EATING :S
THERE'S TOO MUCH GOOD FOOD AND I'VE TOO MANY CRAVINGS.
SLOW DOWN NICOLE. YOU'LL EXPLODE SOON.


i love singapore. its where i want to be. (:

homesick much.

JUST A FEW MORE WEEKS. HANG IN THERE NICOLE (:

hellohello! (:

last week was uwa orientation week and this week's st cat's orientation week! st cats is the hostel im staying at! the food here is yummy! (but sometimes they have not nice food too).

school started this week and omg it was such a headache bidding/preferencing for lessons and doing up my timetable! seriously. i think the people in singapore uni are having just as tough of a time as i had. and everything is accessed through the internet in uni! like tests, quizes, assignments, announcements, lecture notes and all. EVERYTHING is online. its like the teacher wont tell you that you have an assignment, you just have to go check whether you have or not. quite troublesome sometimes. but i have to get used to being independent here. unlike all the spoonfeeding in singapore that im so used to.

anyway, the weather is really nice here! except maybe at nights it can get abit cold. and especially when it rains and when the wind blows. and the rain here is damn weird. its like it can rain for 2 mins and stop and rain again for 4 mins and stop.

okay today's activity for the night is karaeok (spelling?) and bubble tea at north bridge.

oh and i had beef horfun today at broadway, damn shiok seriously.

I MUST STAY HAPPY AND POSITIVE!

sing and pray

the weekend is already here. and school starts next week.

i'll be taking psychology behaviour in context, human biology, language as a cognitive system and statistics for science. quite excited to start studying again. cant believe i just said that. but i'll work hard and give my all.

monopoly deal now at jamie"s.

goodnight.

HELLO!

im finally settled in my hostel and school is going to start next week.

yesterday we had some caversham tour to the wildlife park. i got so close to so many kangeroos. like fed them and hugged them kind of close. and hahah we saw elvin ng there with his family on holiday.

pictures are in random order.

okay going to school now for enrolment byeeee.

promise i'll update soon (: