this one's for you vanna, since you're so stressed. (:

a teacher decided to take her bad mood out on her class of children and so said, "can everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!". after a few seconds, just one child slowly stood up. the teacher turned to the child and said, "do you think you're stupid?" "no..." replied the child, "...but i hate to see you standing there all by yourself."


did you hear about the man who was proud when he completed a jigsaw within thirty minutes, because it said "5-6 years" on the box?


an idiot was walking along a river, when he spied another idiot on the other side of the river. the first idiot yelled to the second idiot: "how do i get to the other side?" the second idiot responded immediately: "you're already on the other side!"


sherlock holmes and dr watson were going camping. they pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. sometime in the middle of the night, holmes woke watson up and said, "watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." watson replied, "i see a millions and millions of stars." holmes said: "and what do you deduce from that?" watson replied: "well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, its quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. and if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life." and holmes said: "watson! you idiot! it means that somebody stole our tent."


an elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. the two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said: "last night, we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. i would recommend it very highly." the other man said: "what was the name of the restaurant?" the first man thought and thought and finally say: "what is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? you know... the one that is red ad has thorns." "do you mean a rose?" "yes," the man said. he then turned towards the kitchen and yelled: " rose, whats the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"


a man in his late sixties suspects that his wife is going deaf, so he decides to test her hearing. he stands on the opposite side of the living room from her and asks: "can you hear me?" no answer. he moves halfway across the room towards her and asks: "can you hear me now?" no answer. he moves and stands right beside her and says: "can you hear me now?" she replies: "for the third time, yes!"


there were two cows in the field. one said: "moo!" the other one said: "hey! i was going to say that!"


a guy goes to the doctor and has a checkup. at the end of the examination, he turns to the doctor and asks how long he has left to live. the doctor replies, "ten." the guy looks confused, and says, "ten what? years? months? weeks?" the doctor replies, "nine, eight, seven...."


two hunters were out in the woods when one of them collaspes. he doesnt seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. the other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. he gasps, "my friend is dead! what can i do?" the operator says, "calm down. i can help. first, lets make sure that he's really dead." there is silence, then a shot is heard. back on the phone, the guy says, "okay, he's dead, now what do i do next?"